Soul Searching

First, let me apologize for the lack of posts. I’ve been in a ‘where am I?’ kind of scenario. To be honest, I’ve never been so unsure in my life before. I guess when your dreams are at arm’s-length, the world conspires against you to make that dream seem a thousand miles away. Don’t get me wrong though, I still am pursuing my dreams. But, a lot has changed, that it seems like giving up those dreams will be the best solution to save me from misery. That’s the emotional part, I’m on the verge of giving up. Physically, I lost that ‘toned-model-esque legs’, or that ‘model-esque body’. At least that’s what my friend told me. Another dream put into oblivion.

The people around me have been growing, together with the changing of times. They have seen the world, been to places, met people here and there, made a name for themselves, while I’m still trapped in the same box, doing the same routine for the past two decades. Reality has slapped me a couple of times but maybe I’ve been too numbed not to notice. A lot of opportunities have been knocking; however, I kept my door closed.

I know this may be too shallow for some people whose problems are a lot worse than mine. Believe me, I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ve been wallowing over a problem where the only solution is keeping my faith. Unlike other people whose main problem is how to survive a day without getting hungry, or thinking about paternity filiation, or thinking about how to become a responsible parent to say the least. Geez! Why do people enter in a relationship, procreate then abandon a child at the end of the day? The worst part, blaming the child for what you’ve done! That child did not say, “Hey! Do this and that.”, with the end in mind of ruining your lives. You are just blaming the victim. Poor fellow.

I’m starting to get sentimental, I apologize. Problems have been piling up, and here I am bombarding you with mine and the world’s negativity. Sorry. But it’s better to air it out than keep it inside and wait for that last tick for the bomb explosion. No, I won’t let that happen. That would result to more casualties, more sorrows, and, God forbid, even death.

So, here I am writing my thoughts down, believing that I as I click ‘Publish’, all my worries would soon disappear with the wind. All I have to do now is to keep my faith. After all, there’s always a rainbow after a gloomy storm and in that same rainbow, there will always be a pot of gold ready to be discovered. KEEP THE FAITH.

– Anina P.





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